


however far (i will go for you)

by gingerpunches



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: (in some chapters), Canon-Typical Violence, Established Relationship, Gil has some problems he needs to work through, Gil is a Mess(tm), Gil needs a new best friend, Introspection, Jill is weird and I don't like her, M/M, Pre-Relationship, SAM is worried All The Time, Tenderness, also Scott is tired but he tries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-18 13:15:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10617645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerpunches/pseuds/gingerpunches
Summary: He is a son, a brother, a leader, a friend, a Pathfinder, a lover. He wouldn't say boyfriend, because they are more than that - Scott is more than that. Gil doesn't know what, but in his heart he knows Scott is the one, and it only took a whole new galaxy for him to figure it out.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually supposed to be part of my other Mass Effect fic, mostly because SAM is still a big part of this, but it didn't fit right, so it's going to be its own thing. These chapters will be out of order, so I'll try to establish some sort of timeline for you either in the fic as each chapter is posted or in the notes before it so you have a good idea. Rating will change as this continues, and more tags will be added. Also, I really dislike Jill - it bugs me that she's bugging Gil almost constantly to have a baby with her, and that she wants to drag Scott (who is barely an adult, and a Pathfinder to boot) into it. I'll try and not bag on her too much, but she rubs me the wrong way, so I'm sorry if I offend anyone with how I write her relationship with Gil.

++++

 

“SAM?”

_“Yes?”_

“Is Scott sleeping?”

_“Yes. He has experienced some trauma through the implant after I had to stop his heart on the Kett starship. Doctor Lexi has put him under very strong painkillers and sleep medication.”_

Gil sighs and rubs a hand down his face. He’s sitting across the room from Scott as he sleeps, fidgeting at Scott’s desk with whatever he can get his fingers on. SAM’s interface is glowing, casting a soft blue light along one side of the room, not quite reaching the edges of the bed where Scott has himself splayed out, his head pillowed on his arms. He’s quiet when he sleeps, something Gil sometimes takes for granted - twice now Scott has died, and each time he could have stayed that way forever. Silent, still, leaving them alone in this vast galaxy with no one to save them.

Best not to think about that. Not now, when Scott is alive and well, sleeping away his aches and pains.

 _“Something is bothering you.”_ SAM’s voice startles Gil out of his thoughts. He drops the pen he was using to doodle on one of Scott’s report drafts and scratches his beard, an odd, almost guilty feeling settling heavy in his chest.

“Yeah, SAM,” Gil says. “Just something small.”

_“If I may, I could answer any questions you have.”_

“I know,” Gil says. He feels his face heat up in embarrassment. “I don’t know how to go about it, though. I don’t want to offend you.”

 _“There is very little that offends me,”_ SAM says. He seems to think about his words for a moment before continuing, but only for a split second before he continues. _“Well. There is very little_ you _could say that would offend me. Others are not as understanding.”_

Gil smiles. “Yeah, I guess an AI hanging out in their Pathfinder’s head would bother some people, huh?”

_“For lack of a better phrase, you have no idea.”_

Gil clears his throat and rubs his face again. Of all the people on this ship, SAM would be more understanding. Lexi would too, but he’s not about to go and spill his guts out to her anytime soon, especially since she’s already starting to chip away at him now that he and Scott are together. He sucks in a breath, courage building underneath his ribs, and breathes it out. Now or never.

“Do you think I made the right choice, choosing not to give Jill the baby she wants?”

SAM seems taken off guard. He doesn’t respond for several moments - Gil supposes it’s because he’s so used to knowing what Scott is going to say next that handling odd questions and remarks from people he’s not sharing a life with would throw him. Gil gives him the time he needs, and when SAM speaks next, it’s small and quiet, like a parent speaking to a child.

 _“Scott was afraid he would not be a good father to the life you would have brought into this world if you had said yes,”_ SAM says. Gil stops messing with the cup of pencils on Scott’s desk, giving SAM his full attention. _“While I did not know Scott as a child, he has always been unsure of himself. He is still finding his footing as the Pathfinder, and while he may exude confidence, I assure you, he is bluffing.”_

Gil swallows thickly. “Are you for real?”

 _“He is scared,”_ SAM says. His tone of voice is sad, something Gil is not used to hearing from SAM. Usually SAM is very matter-of-fact, with his sense of humor as deadpan as his analysis of dead bodies. This is a strange turn for him. _“He is a young man thrown into a position he didn’t anticipate or train for, with 100,000 thousand people counting on him, not including the angara. He is happy with you, and he wants to someday start a family, but he is only twenty-two. He is experiencing many things that most, if not all, men his age would never experience.”_

“Oh,” Gil says, because he can’t say anything else. Gil himself is twenty-six - he didn’t think Scott’s age was much of a factor. Sometimes he forgets that Scott didn’t have much of a career before making the long jump to Andromeda. No wonder he was floundering for answers over half the time.

 _“Do not take this the wrong way,”_  SAM says. _“But I do not think he is ready for fatherhood. Personally, I am grateful you turned Jill down. Scott is too young to be supporting a baby in times like this.”_

“Well, there were other reasons,” Gil says, almost petulantly. Just thinking about it makes his stomach go sour. His best friend, the woman he would willingly pick up a gun and kill for, asking him to father a child to fulfill some weird, fetishistic fantasy she’s apparently had for _months_ ? He still hasn’t responded to any of the emails she’s sent him, the first ten or so angry lectures, the rest a trickle of guilt-ridden apologies and half-hearted attempts at reconciliation. A part of him never wants to talk to her again - he isn’t some plaything, a ken doll she can plug into her life to get the baby she wants, and then shuck all the parenting duties onto Gil and Scott. He knows, deep down, she wouldn’t do that, but if what SAM says is true, then Scott isn’t ready for _any_ kind of parenting, even if it’s just in title.

Gil heaves a hard sigh. Scott is still snoozing across the room, but the _Tempest_ has rotated enough in its orbit around the planet below them to catch the light of one of the suns in this system - a large, twelve-planet system with two stars orbiting each other. The warm, yellow glow is muted through the window’s automatic tint, but it’s enough to catch the glitter of Scott’s butterfly tattoos on his spine as they twist down his back. Gil watches as the light shimmers down his skin, the tattoos a glimmer of pink and green and blue on black as the _Tempest_ continues to rotate; and then they are dark again when the ship starts to dip behind the planet’s shadow, their existence winking out as subtly and as small as their real counterparts, millions of lightyears away.

Somewhere, there’s a metaphor for what just happened mirroring Gil’s situation, in some purple prose buried in Cora’s growing collection of asari literature and battle manuals, but Gil can’t muster himself to find it. SAM’s interface dims as if to compensate for the darkness of the room, but it still casts a small, barely-there blue shine around Scott’s desk, leaving the rest of the room in shadow.

“Maybe someday,” Gil says, suddenly into the dark. His voice is low and quiet, vibrating in his chest, and if Scott were awake, he’d be swooning over it, his dark cheeks going a ruddy red at the sound. He sets down the pen he had started to doodle with again and stands, making his way across the dark room to the bed where he crawls in, silently and gingerly, trying not to wake Scott. Scott doesn’t shift once - a testament to the strong sleeping medication Lexi has him on, probably - so Gil settles where he can, pressed against Scott’s back, the warmth of him seeping through Gil’s thin t-shirt into his skin.

 _“You should rest as well,”_ SAM says, a whisper of his voice across the room. That’s all he says, and Gil nods into the dark, pressing his lips in a chaste kiss to the back of Scott’s neck, below his amp, his skin almost hot on his own. It isn’t at all unpleasant, given the slight chill to the room, so Gil stays as he is, letting Scott warm him as he sleeps.

 _Maybe someday_ , he thinks. He thinks of SAM’s words before - how Scott is nearly always afraid, always bluffing, treading in waters he didn’t have the proper training to be dropped into - and the sour feeling in his stomach comes back, only worse. He grips Scott tighter, bringing him as close to himself as he can, trying to protect him from things Gil knows he could never shield him from.

 _When you’re not so scared, maybe,_ he thinks. _When you don’t have so much pushed onto you. I won’t make you bear that burden when you’re sinking under everyone else’s._

He sleeps, and he dreams, deeper than he has any other night since he’d been assigned to the _Tempest_. But when he wakes in the morning and catches Scott trying to cover the dark circles under his eyes with concealer, his hands only steady because SAM is helping him, that faraway look on his face like he’d gone through five hours of nonstop fighting only to be shoved into meetings and arguments without a meal and a nap in between, Gil can’t stop himself from quietly telling Tann to give Scott the day off. Tann doesn’t fight him too much, which is a relief, and when he relays the news to Scott, a confused - but relieved - look crosses his eyes, his shoulders immediately relaxing as he’s shoving his feet into his shoes.

Gil helps him undress and get back into bed, and after Lexi has come by and checked his vitals and given him a shot to help him sleep a little deeper, Gil resumes his place at Scott’s desk, a little more clutter than the night before because of Scott’s worrying over the day’s events.

 _“Thank you,”_ SAM says, quietly, his interface a silent hum to Gil’s left as Gil straightens Scott’s stuff. He sounds relieved as well, and Gil smiles, knowing SAM will see. _“He needs more rest.”_

“You’re welcome,” Gil whispers. Scott snores across the room - the first ever snore Gil has ever heard from him. Gil turns and watches as he continues, his mouth hanging open, his face smashed into the pillow as he drools. Unnattractive, but it makes Gil’s heart swell anyway.

 _“He is dreaming of you,”_ SAM says. _“The kind things you do and say to him. I am grateful.”_

Gil can’t shake the stupid smile on his face. “Yeah, well. It can’t just be you taking care of him.”

_“No, but the help you give him is different. Don’t discount that.”_

SAM is quiet after that, so Gil logs onto his email on Scott’s terminal and reads through the various reports and summaries SAM, Vetra, and Kallo had sent him since that morning. Jill had sent three more emails as well, and while Scott sleeps, he replies to all of them, a weight lifting off his shoulders as he does.

 

+++


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place almost immediately after the previous chapter. Kind of a long one, so let me know of any mistakes I couldn't catch because I stared at this too long.

+++

 

“Jill, _don’t even start._ ”

He can hear her teeth click as she snaps her jaw shut. Scott waves at them both as he walks up to them, the bandage on his cheek splotched red in the center from the gouge he took from a piece of shrapnel on Eladaan only hours ago. They’re on the Nexus to drop off some Nakmor clan information for Kesh, and while Gil had pretty much resigned himself to this visit with Jill, he still doesn’t want to suffer through it. He’d rather be helping the dock crews look over the _Tempest_ , or take Scott to one of the nice parks on the Nexus that have started to get really green from all the work the hydroponics people are doing, but he promised Jill they’d talk.

However awful this may be for him, he promised. Gil is a lot of things, but he doesn’t flop on those he cares about, no matter how infuriating they are.

“Hey, Gil,” Scott says. He kisses Gil - short and chaste - his hand coming up to cup Gil’s elbow. Scott turns to Jill, his smile a little more strained, but he nods to her anyway, his voice pleasant. “Hi, Jill.”

“Hey, Pathfinder,” Jill says. She isn’t rude, but the title puts distance between the two of them, yawning and nearly hostile. Scott’s smile falters, twitching at the corners of his mouth, but he doesn’t drop it. He simply takes the greeting as it is and turns back to Gil, a more relaxed tilt to his shoulders as he leans in for another kiss.

“I’m going to see Sara before we lift off,” Scott says. Gil nods, gripping Scott’s fingers as his hand slides down his arm. “She’s feeling a little better, and I just want to spend time with her.”

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Gil laughs. Scott’s cheeks darken in embarrassment - he doesn’t look away, but Gil can feel him struggling all the same. “Say hi to her for me, will you? I’ll try to swing by before we lift off, but you never know.”

 _How it’ll go with Jill_ , goes unsaid, but Scott nods in understanding anyway. Gil can feel Jill bristling at his side, but she doesn’t say anything about it, either out of respect for Scott or because she’s so pissed, he’s not sure. He doesn’t really want to find out, either, and Scott saves him before she can blow up on him right there.

“Just comm me when you’re done,” Scott says. “I need to stop and see SAM too, so you have time. Don’t rush on my account.”

Gil snorts even as Scott bumps their foreheads together and starts off for the tram. He has a slight limp on his right side from a bruise during a barfight on Kadara, of all things, but neither Jill nor Gil comments on it. Jill silently leads him away from the common area, their steps falling into line as she strides up the ramp and towards the research rooms behind the cultural center. He can hear SAM’s tinny voice as he talks over the comm to the scientists in the first room, but Jill walks past it to another door further down the hall. It’s unmarked, but when they go through it, it’s obvious this is part of the station that handles most of the procreation blocker reversals and artificial insemination requests - Jill’s area of expertise. They take a seat in a secluded corner of the room at her desk, the two of them facing each other, Jill nervously straightening things on her already immaculate desk, the hum of the machines working around them almost deafening.

“At least you keep your place cleaner than I do,” Gil says, mostly just for something to say. Jill’s lips twitch, trying not to smile. Gil scratches his beard. “Well. Considering your line of work, I guess you have to.”

“Can we skip this little… whatever this is?” Jill says. Gil swallows thickly, but he nods anyway. Jill pushes her monitor and keyboard away, making room for her hands as she steeples them on the desk. Gil leans his elbows on her desk, but they don’t touch. A chasm breaks between them, dark and deep, and Gil doesn’t know what to say to the impending drop.

Jill sighs. Something passes over her face, an emotion that he can’t quite place, but she hides it before he can really look at it too closely. “Look, Gil, I -” she stops. He watches as she shifts in her seat, her hands untangling from themselves. “I just wanted to apologize.”

 _That_ takes him off guard. All of her comms and emails lately have been pretty tame, but in the beginning, she was angry and beyond frustrated with him. He tried to be sympathetic to her - she was his best friend, after all, the one person he brought to Andromeda above all others - but he had to draw the line in the sand somewhere, and _this_ was it. Asking him to father a son when the person he loved would suffer for it? Asking him to care for a child when he didn’t even love her, didn’t even _swing that way_ , didn’t even have time or space for a child? And to top it off, to ask Scott, a twenty-two year old _Pathfinder_ with barely any life experience as it is, to be a dad too?

No. He had been firm despite his earlier excitement. When it was just him, he would have considered it, but even as his schedule had lightened up as Scott had slowed down to rest a little and research Meridian, he still couldn’t have found time. But especially since his relationship with Scott started - it wasn’t just about him and Jill anymore. They had Scott to think about, and as long as Scott was still Pathfinder (which could be until the foreseeable future), they had to include him in their plans.

Gil swallows thickly. Whatever his reasons, she’s reaching out to him now. She deserves a response, not matter how upset he still is.

“What’s this apology for?” he asks. She looks at him oddly, but she nods, a small jerk of her head, and reaches into her desk and pulls out a sheaf of papers.

She sets them in front of him, and as he starts to flip through them, she speaks, her voice small and a little scared. “These are all the emails I didn’t send - the things I wanted to say, but because I had been so angry with you, I didn’t think you would read them. The pissed ones, at least, I knew you would read. These…”

He stops on one of them. It isn’t long - a paragraph, maybe more - but it’s the most sincere thing he’s read from her since this whole argument started. He has to stop himself from dripping tears on the paper, his fingers wet as he wipes his eyes, his chest swelling with an emotion he can’t name. It reads:

_Gil,_

_You bought me a spot in the Initiative with nothing but your skill and hard work. Your expertise on starship engines caught Vetra’s eye, and instead of bringing along Alan - your boyfriend before the long jump, the man you were thinking of bending at the knee with one of the most expensive rings you could find - you brought me. Despite everything, you brought_ me _. I don’t know what I did to deserve that, and I will forever, always be in debt to you for that. I’m so sorry I’ve been acting this way. I’m so sorry I dragged Scott into this, when he’s still trying to get his bearings as Pathfinder. And I’m especially sorry I threw this on you when you guys just went official - I don’t know what I was thinking._

_I hope you can forgive me._

_-Jill_

“You -” Gil chokes out. He pushes the papers away from him and scrubs his face on his sleeve, unable to keep the crack out of his voice as he continues. “I would have brought you with me no matter what, Jill. You’re like - you’re like my _sister_.”

Jill smiles at him, small and loose. She hands him a box of tissues, but he can see even through his own tears she’s just as affected. “I know. And I’m sorry. I wanted something you could never give me, and I shouldn’t have ever asked. You deserve to have a family with the man you love, not with a woman you consider family. Not only is it rude and inconsiderate of me, it’s just… not practical. I should be focusing on finding someone I want to spend my life with, not intruding on your relationship and bringing a baby into it to boot.”

Gil smiles a watery smile. “I’m glad you’re finally coming around. You have no idea how scared Scott’s been.”

“Of a baby?” Jill’s expression sobers. “It’s not like I would - I wouldn’t have made him be a dad too, Gil. He must know that.”

Fury builds behind his ribs, burning him from the inside out. He can’t control himself, the words forming on his tongue before he can stop them, an image of Scott, miserable and sad, taking care of a baby that isn’t even his crossing his mind, making him angrier.

“Well, when you ask his boyfriend to be a dad, he’s kind of _obligated_ to, Jill,” Gil snaps. It comes out of him hot and violent, and as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets thim. Jill flinches, but she doesn’t speak. A small part of him is grateful she doesn’t.

“Sorry,” Gil says, quieter. He wipes his face with another tissue. He can still see Scott in his mind, but now it’s his soft smile, his kind hands. It helps to temper his anger. “I don’t know what came over me. I just… “

“You don’t need to apologize,” Jill says. She won’t meet his eyes. “That was wrong of me to say.”

Gil nods. He doesn’t know what to say next, so he keeps his mouth shut. Jill wipes her face as well, then scoops all the used tissue into a small trash can from under her desk. She stands then, so Gil stands too, silently thanking her for not dragging this out longer than it should. He doesn’t feel like sitting here in this room anymore, suffocating under the expectations of a woman he still feels like he didn’t reach closure with. When they step away, he doesn’t take the ream of emails she had given him.

“I’ll let you go,” Jill says, quietly. Gil nods again, and despite his height advantage over her, he feels small as she shows him the door. “Sorry, Gil. We can talk later?”

“Sure,” he says, but he knows deep down that he’s going to be avoiding her for at least another little while. It’s obvious she still resents him for his choice, but he can’t bring himself to care - he has a ship and crew to keep safe, and if he can do it without the added stress of Jill’s weird fantasy infringing on his life? Well, he’ll just have to keep at arm’s distance, then.

The idea of a family is nice, though. Starting a family with Scott would be even better, even if a surrogate would be needed down the line. But he vows to keep Jill off that list, at least until they’re more settled and Scott doesn’t have the fate of the entire galaxy resting on his shoulders. Which, yeah, might take a while, and if Gil has to be completely honest, it’s going to be weird finding someone who would willingly have a baby with the _Tempest_ ’s chief engineer and the human Pathfinder. And it’s not like they can adopt - there aren’t many orphans, if any, in Andromeda, which makes this situation even _more -_

“Gil? Are you okay?”

Lexi’s voice startles him out of his thoughts. She touches his shoulder gently, a small smile on her face even as he looks at her and then over his shoulder to the cargo bay of the _Tempest_. He doesn’t remember boarding the ship, and he must look as confused as he feels, because Lexi is already touching his forehead and his cheeks, checking his temperature.

“I’m alright, I promise,” Gil says. She tosses an unbelieving look at him. “No, really. I just had a talk with Jill is all.”

“Ah,” she says. She drops her hand and pats him on the back, then gestures behind her, further into the cargo bay past the Nomad. “Scott is showing Sara around the ship if you want to see him. And if you ever want to talk…”

He smiles at her and thanks her. She smiles back and continues on her way to the medbay, leaving him standing there awkwardly in the cargobay as Scott comes around the other side of the Nomad, Sara’s hand wrapped around his bicep as she is slowly led through the ship. Gil suddenly realizes how similar they look - which, duh, they’re twins - but he had never noticed it, with them always separated, only rarely the two of them in the same room at the same time.

“Oh, hey, Gil!” Sara says, noticing him as Scott turns to lead her off the _Tempest_. He smiles at her, all teeth, trying to hide the redness in his cheeks from his argument with Jill. “Everything go well?”

“Ehh,” he says, shrugging. He hugs her when they get close and kisses her cheek. His scruff must have scraped her cheek the wrong way, because her hand comes up to itch it. He keeps his hand on her waist to help Scott keep her steady as she sways. “It’ll be alright, how about that?”

“An acceptable answer,” she says. She elbows Scott, who makes a dramatic groaning sound even as he grins. “Just tell this one all about it, huh? He can make you feel better about it.”

“He can make me feel other things,” Gil says, waggling his eyebrows at Sara, but this time it’s him who gets an elbow to the side. It hurts, but he cares more about dropping Sara if he dances away than he does about his bruised ribs, so he sucks it up and helps Scott get her into a wheelchair at the end of the _Tempest_ ’s onramp. Harry, who had been waiting at the bottom with it, nods his head at him and smiles at Scott as Sara makes herself comfortable.

“Love you, Sara,” Scott says. He kisses her hair, and she smiles up at him, a little tired but still glad to be there. It makes Gil’s heart hurt, seeing her like this, but it’s for the best - she would be miserable on the ship, even if Harry were there to help.

“Love you too, Scott,” Sara says. She squeezes her brother’s fingers, then lets go, gripping the wheelchair’s armrests. “Don’t have too much fun without me. I want to see some things first too, you know.”

“I’ll save some views for you,” Scott says. Sara waves as Harry pushes her away, talking the old doctor’s ear off. There's a small smile on Scott’s face as he listens to the excited lilt in her voice as it fades the farther they get up the docks - but when Gil and Scott turn to walk back up on the ramp onto the ship, Gil watches it drop, his expression turning dark.

“She wasn’t as cooperative?” Scott asks. They both know they’re not talking about Sara anymore. Gil nods, his hand coming out to take Scott’s. Scott’s fingers tangle with his own.

“It might be a while before I can talk to her again,” Gil says. “She’s just - she’s not thinking right. I think she still wants me to be the father, and she’s having a hard time coming to terms with my answer.”

Scott sighs. When they get to Scott’s room, Scott kicks off his shoes and collapses on his back into bed, his eyes going unfocused like they do when he’s listening to SAM. Gil lays down next to him, not bothering with his shoes, stuffing his face into Scott’s side, not trying to hide but seeking comfort, his thoughts too big for his head.

He feels Scott’s arms come around him as he twists to bring Gil to his chest. It’s funny, how they always get to this place, always in Scott’s room, twined together where no one else can see. It’s the only place Gil feels like he doesn’t have to pretend or deflect with humor - doesn’t feel like he has to plaster a smile on his face and ramble about things that will get people to leave him alone. Scott doesn’t make him speak, instead just keeps his arms wrapped around Gil’s shoulders, his fingers stroking through his hair, a silent, warm comfort.

Eventually, Gil wiggles out of his shoes and his work clothes and helps Scott undo his belt to kick off his jeans. Scott asks SAM to tell the crew they’re spending the night on the Nexus, to which SAM quietly acknowledges and doesn’t say anything more for the next couple hours Gil and Scott stay awake. When the Nexus lights outside the window turn from midday sun, to sunset, to a dark, starless night, Gil finds sleep, his thoughts free from Jill and only occupied with one thing: just Scott, his gentle hands and his steady, light heartbeat against his ear, lulling him into his dreams, reassuring him with each gentle _th-thump_.

  
  
  
+++


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set a little before their first official kiss on Eos. I like their moment on Eos, but it was a little too public for Scott so early in their relationship - at least for my Scott. Hopefully this doesn't tweak anyone the wrong way too much.

+++

 

“I can’t do this.”

_ Yes, you ca-  _

“No. I wasn’t meant to do this. Dad was, and now he’s dead, and Sara’s in a coma, and now this Archon guy wants me dead. I can’t do this. I  _ can’t _ .”

SAM knots in his head, anxious and just a little frustrated.  _ Please, try. We have no other options. _

Scott groans and stands, tossing the broken omnitool he was messing with across the cargobay. It sails over the Nomad then clangs as it hits something on the other side, a small avalanche of noise ensuing as it knocks down a stack of objects once it makes contact. The sounds vibrate through the large space, each a stab of pain to Scott’s overworked brain - when the noise finally stops, he collapses back onto his stool, his hands shaking from pent up rage and frustration. 

The oppressive weight in the back of his head doesn’t cease. SAM is only more agitated now that Scott has lashed out, and when he speaks next, it’s the angriest SAM has ever talked to him.

_ We cannot afford more tantrums, _ SAM says. Scott snorts, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand.  _ You must focus. _

“What the fuck do you want me to do?” Scott says. “Fake it ‘til I make it?”

_ Well, not ideally, but we must work together regardless. I will help you succeed. _

“I can’t  _ succeed _ at anything. I’m not even trained for this!”

“Everything all right?” Gil says. Scott jumps, shooting off his stool and knocking his head on the rack holding spare tools and parts above him. SAM and Scott both cringe - SAM sinks back into his thoughts, wrapping around himself in barely-veiled frustration. As Gil starts to approach, Scott’s thankful SAM is as pissed as he is, even as he starts to feel a little guilty. Maybe he’ll get some peace and quiet for a few minutes.

“Sorry, Gil,” Scott sighs. Gil scratches his beard, the glance he throws Scott just a little on this side of concerned. When Scott sits back down and really looks at him, he notices Gil is in his sleeping clothes - a pair of black sweats and an old, frayed Alliance t-shirt - his hair tousled like he’d been rudely awaken. Scott can’t hid the embarrassed blush that starts to crawl up his neck even if he wanted to. “And - sorry for the noise. I’ll pick everything up.”

“You’re lucky all that stuff was nonessential,” Gil quips. “Mostly just boxes of Vetra’s stupid cereal and other dry goods. Arguing with SAM?”

Scott’s surprised Gil guesses so accurately, and it must show on his face, because Gil's mouth twitches into a sly grin. The crew generally treats SAM as just another search engine, or a basic VI they can stick information into and have an answer spat out. Cora, Liam, and Suvi don’t treat him like that, but Scott is the only one that experiences the full range of emotions SAM is truly capable of, and while he’s often having conversations aloud with him, he doesn’t expect the crew to understand - or accept - how deep he and SAM really are melded. 

So when Gil pulls up another stool and plops down next to Scott, an expectant, but loose, expression on his face, Scott is once again taken aback by everything that is  _ Gil _ . He shakes his head at Gil, a smile splitting his face, making Gil look at him oddly as Scott swivels around to face him fully.

“Something I said?” Gil asks.

Scott can’t stop smiling. “How did you guess right?”

“About SAM?” Gil shrugs. “You talk to him differently than the others. You don’t hold punches and you don’t talk to him like people talk to Avina or something - like, super simple sentences or choosing your words carefully. SAM understands what you understand, so it’s just… like hearing you argue with yourself, but funnier.”

Scott sighs. “Glad I could be of service.”

“No, it’s - “ Gil runs a hand through his already mussed hair. He bites his lip, and something dark and hot in Scott twists pleasantly at the sight. SAM sighs in the back of his skull. “I didn’t mean it like that. Just meant that’s how I knew.”

“Right,” Scott says. 

Gil groans. He goes to stand, his hand still in his hair, pulling at the strands nervously. “Sorry. I’ll -”

“No!” Scott says, loudly, his hand shooting out to grip Gil’s wrist before he can walk away. The corner of Gil’s lips twitch, his eyebrows furrowing. “I mean. I. No, I’m not offended, I just, uh, well - “

“Wow,” Gil says. A laugh bubbles up out of his chest, a smile spreading on his face, all straight, white teeth. “Can our Pathfinder even talk? I thought SAM was supposed to help with stuff like that.”

Heat climbs up Scott’s neck, hot on his cheeks and ears. Gil sits back down and when Scott starts to take his hand away, Gil takes it in his own, his thumb gentle as it rubs over his knuckles. Heat of a different kind settles in Scott’s chest. 

“Uh,” Scott says intelligently. SAM groans, twisting uncomfortably in Scott’s head, unsure of what to do. Scott ignores him in favor of tangling his fingers with Gil’s as he scoots his stool closer to the engineer’s. Gil’s smile turns shy, his other hand coming to rest on the outside of Scott’s thigh when he gets close enough

“I’m glad all that noise woke me up,” Gil says. Scott takes his other hand, letting them rest on his leg. “I’m glad  _ you _ woke me up.”

“I didn’t mean to, but - yeah,” Scott says. His heart is pounding in his chest, heavy and fast. He dips his chin so he can catch Gil’s eyes as they flick from their joined hands to Scott’s face, holding his gaze as he leans closer. 

Before he can stop himself, Scott presses his lips to Gil’s. Gil kisses back immediately, his mouth soft against his own even as the stubble on his chin and upper lip scrape against his skin. After a moment, Scott feels Gil’s hands come up around the back of his head, his fingers careful as they start to card through his hair and down around his biotic amp. It isn’t a deep kiss, and doesn’t last for long. Scott’s heart pounds in his chest as Gil’s fingers drag across his jaw to touch his lips, a look of awe on his face. 

“Sorry,” Scott breaths. Heat burns across his face in embarrassment. SAM is an anxious ball of energy pounding in his skull. 

Gil kisses him again, more sure of himself - a quick peck and then he pulls away again, his smile toothy. “No need to be sorry, Scott. That was… really nice.”

“Even though it’s probably the asscrack of dawn?”

_ It is 0427. _

Gil snorts out a laugh. “Yeah. That part’s okay, too.”

Their hands come together again on Scott’s knees, Gil’s palms warm and rough. He pulls Scott up as he stands, their chests almost bumping with how close they are together in this small nook of the cargobay. Scott leans down and kisses under Gil’s ear, smiling at the shiver that shakes down Gil’s spine.

“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” Scott says. Gil nuzzles into his neck, his breath hot on Scott’s skin.

“I can’t sleep with you?”

Scott sighs. SAM sighs, too. “No. I’m in trouble with SAM still. We need to talk.”

Gil pulls away, an understanding look crossing his face before he leans up and kisses Scott’s chin. “Alright. Don’t break anything too important, huh?”

Scott squeezes Gil’s fingers as he steps away. “Promise.”

Gil waves as he rounds the corner and out of sight, his bare feet quiet on the cold floor. Scott collapses back onto his stool and drags his hands over his face, something akin to a headache building behind his eyes - but it’s just SAM, angry and unsettled, upset at being ignored. 

“SAM, I’m sorry.”

And just like that, the anger is gone. He’s still irritated, but Scott knows SAM well enough by now, and he knows that SAM is easy to forgive. 

_ I know you are, _ SAM says, quiet.  _ I was - angry. For reasons I cannot quite explain. I would say I am still learning, but that is not much of an excuse. _

“No, but it’s alright if it’s the excuse you have,” Scott sighs. He puts his tools away and hangs his armor on the rack, then shuts off the lamp as he steps away towards his room. “I don’t have an excuse at all.”

_ You are still learning, too. We both are. Sometimes that means we make mistakes. _

Scott huffs. “You? Making mistakes?”

SAM adopts a haughty tone, mostly for effect.  _ When my actions are influenced by yours, I am bound to make them _ .

“Har, har,” Scott says. He wiggles out of his clothes as soon as the door to his room whooshes closed behind him, the sheets cool on his skin when he finally crawls into bed after fussing with his belt. 

He’s almost asleep, his body loose and relaxed, pleasant thoughts of Gil’s sweet kisses skittering across his brain when SAM’s presence gets a little heavier in his thoughts, his awareness bright and loud against Scott’s nearly-sleeping brain. Scott thinks maybe he’s going to say goodnight, or remind him of something important he forgot to do during the day so he could do it tomorrow, but instead of either of those things - or any of the millions of things SAM could have said - Scott is startled awake by the most smug, pleased-as-pie remark he’s ever heard SAM say:

_ By the way, Gil has already told Cora and Suvi of your kiss. They will be ambushing you in the hallway later in the morning for details. _

Scott groans and flips over, staring at the ceiling as SAM goes silent. Even in the quiet of his cabin, Scott can hear how amused SAM is.

“Thanks, SAM,” he says to the dark. Something like a laugh vibrates in the back of his skull. “I really appreciate that.”

SAM curls on himself, smiling.  _ Glad to be of service, Pathfinder. _

“Uhhuh. Make sure I catch Gil before Cora and Suvi jump me in the morning.”

_ I’ll tell him right away. _

“Nosey AI.”

_ If you tempt me, I will send Cora the video feeds of your kiss from the cargobay cameras. _

“UHG.”

_ Goodnight. _

"Goodnight."

  
+++


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter that ups the rating a bit, but next chapter will definitely have something a bit more heavy (emotionally, but I wouldn't do that to you guys ;)). Expect something nice in store next chapter.

+++

  
  


“Scott? I have a question.”

Gil is usually quiet when he wakes up for work - he tends to shuffle out of bed by 0300, and by 0400, is in engineering, prepping the  _ Tempest _ for another long run between systems. It was only the first couple nights after they’d cemented their relationship that Gil’s awful sleep schedule would wake Scott up, but maybe Gil’s tone of voice is what wakes him this time. 

Scott rolls over to face the direction Gil’s voice is coming from. The room is dark, but he thinks it’s over by SAM’s router. He rubs his eyes to adjust, but even before he speaks, he knows it won’t make a difference even with the distant nebula outside the window casting a soft purple glow across the room.

“What is it, Gil?”

Gil makes a noise - of embarrassment? - over by Scott’s desk. Scott can hear him start to fidget with a data pad as he whispers out a string of sentences Scott can barely hear above the hum of the  _ Tempest  _ around them. 

“Is SAM always seeing through you? Like, does he always know what you’re doing?” Gil says. The fidgeting stops, replaced by the sound of Gil rolling Scott’s desk chair closer to the bed. “I mean, I know he’s linked to your implant, and that he has access to your physiology and mental state, at least from what Lexi has told me, but - “

“Gil,” Scott says, quietly. Gil stops talking. Scott reaches out with one hand, and Gil must have already adjusted to the dark, because he takes it immediately, his hands warm-worn on his own. “What’s this about?”

“Nothing, just - curious.” He sounds guilty now, so Scott sits up and turns the lights on, low enough that he’s not blinding either of them. Gil is slouching in Scott’s chair, head hanging low and not making eye contact. Scott pulls him back into bed despite Gil dressed in his work clothes, and wraps him up in a tight hug when Gil’s head hits his shoulder. 

“SAM is always with me,” Scott says, simply. No sense in lying. “Even off the field.”

Gil doesn’t say anything. Scott lets him be, already falling asleep again, before the familiar presence of SAM in the back of his head intensifies, like a wave reaching its crest on a beach, but never crashing into the sands beneath it. 

_ I think I know what is worrying him, Scott,  _  SAM says, privately. Scott doesn’t respond to SAM either, but not because he’s tired - now he’s awake, but he won’t respond because Gil will hear him. So he lets SAM continue, knowing SAM has already read his mind. 

_ He is concerned I have watched you during the private time he spends with you, _ SAM continues.  _ And while he is correct, I do not give you my undivided attention during those periods. I understand that those moments are meant to be private, and while I share your experiences, I do not wish to intrude. _

A laugh escapes his chest before he can fully hold it in, jostling Gil in the process. Gil sits up, a sour look on his face, and Scott immediately regrets not having better control of his reactions, even to SAM.

_ I apologize, _ SAM says, right as Gil stands up and crosses his arms, glaring Scott down. 

“It’s not - he isn’t paying attention all the time, Gil,” Scott says, quietly, trying to be as placating as possible. SAM is humming in the back of his head, swirling in a cloud of anxiety and guilt. Scott splays his hands out, palms up, conciliatory as Gil stays silent. “He knows there are times he shouldn’t intrude, and he doesn’t. But we basically share a body, Gil, and I can’t change what he sees, hears, and feels if he’s always going to feel it with me.”

“What he said before,” Gil says. “That made you laugh. What was it?”

Scott tries to keep his face as neutral as possible. “He simply said that while he is aware while we are together, he doesn’t snoop like you think he does. He said he doesn’t like intruding.”

“How was that funny?”

“I just - I didn’t know it worried you, Gil,” Scott says. “I don’t really think about SAM in my head. He’s just there.”

_ “I do not wish to make you upset, Gil, but I experience what Scott experiences. That does not mean I am wholly aware of it at any given time. I am usually doing other things,”  _ SAM says, over his private comm on his router so Gil can hear him. Gil whips around to face SAM’s router - now lit up with SAM’s interface - and Scott can’t tell if he’s going to walk over and punt it across the room or collapse into Scott’s chair, his face is so red. 

He does neither, and after almost two or three minutes of staring SAM down, Gil opts for sitting next to Scott on their bed. SAM is restless in the back of Scott’s mind, a whirling pool of emotion that he’s sure SAM doesn’t even know how to parse through, but when Gil reaches for Scott’s hand and Scott takes it, both SAM and Scott calm down a little. 

“SAM doesn’t bother me,” Gil eventually says. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” 

Gil snorts. “Maybe. I dunno. I just didn’t think about it until SAM said something similar to what I said to you the other night,  _ privately _ . About that twinge in your back. And he said the same thing over comms when you were fighting that architect on Elaadan. It didn’t even  _ phase _ you.”

_ I did not think about it,  _ SAM says.  _ Again, I apologize _ . 

“He says he’s sorry,” Scott says. “And I am, too. I didn’t know it worried you.”

“Is he afraid to talk to me now?” Gil says. A small smile starts to play at the corner of his mouth, but Scott knows Gil too well, and he knows Gil hasn’t dropped the subject quite yet. He’s trying really hard to hide it, though, so Scott just shrugs and kisses Gil’s ear. 

“I think he’s just upset he upset you,” Scott says. A quiet,  _ how did you know?, _ rings behind Scott’s eyes, more a thought from SAM than a fully realized communication between them, making Scott smile. “He doesn’t want to embarrass you, Gil. He won’t tell anyone about that mole by your left nipple.”

Gil punches him in the gut, a much more forceful hit than Scott was anticipating, making Scott wheeze and almost double over his knees. But Gil is smiling a true smile now, his eyes lighting up despite the early hour. Scott smiles back despite the maelstrom of emotions playing in his head - not all of them his own - and when Gil stands up to go start his work, he kisses him as he stands, a silent reassurance that he doesn’t know how to put into words. 

“Sorry for being mad,” Gil says. 

Scott snorts. “It’s fine. I’m sure I can live through a couple of punches if that’s all you give me when you’re pissed.”

Gil’s smile turns sheepish. “Yeah, well. Don’t want SAM blabbing about my sex life if he’s experiencing it himself.”

_ “I most certainly will not,” _ SAM says, almost offended.

Gil crosses his arms, looking between SAM, then Scott. Then he sighs when Scott smiles at him - a smile Scott saves for him, something warm and reassuring. Gil shakes his head, rubs a hand down his face, then smiles, resigned, but not angry. 

“I’m stuck with you both forever, aren’t I?”

“Yes,” Scott and SAM say at the same time. It makes Gil laugh, the sound barking out of his chest in surprise more than amusement. He doesn’t say anything else; he simply kisses Scott on the hair and waves as he leaves to go start his work. Scott sits on the bed for a while, rubbing his face while SAM collects himself in his head, his normally ordered and unperturbed mind muddled with this metaphorical bump in the road. 

“You don’t have to be so worked up over this,” Scott says, quietly, more for his own benefit than SAM’s. SAM knows what he’s thinking at any given time, but it helps to talk aloud to him so he doesn’t feel so secluded in Scott’s mind.

_ I am simply surprised at how quickly he was angry, and then he was not _ , SAM says.  _ I am used to working with you and how your emotions work, but now that I am part of this relationship, I am finding it difficult to keep up at times. I understand you, but I do not understand Gil. _

“I don’t understand him either, sometimes,” Scott says. “He works hard so others won’t. He does it on purpose, even with me.”

_ Even you don’t understand him? _

“No,” Scott says. SAM can’t frown, but Scott can feel something like it emanating from where SAM is in his skull - a feeling of sadness and unease. 

_ Does that… bother you? _

Scott thinks that if they weren’t who they are right now, if they weren’t two million light years from home and struggling to get their own feet under them, then maybe it would bother him. Gil still deflects with humor when things get “too real” (his words), even in the quieter, private moments they spend with each other. But even if it was a problem, Gil has his reasons: he spent fourteen months on a station stranded in a strange galaxy, far from home, with no one to come and save him, starving and alone.

Gil had said, near the beginning of their relationship, that he may had been a loner before the long jump, but after being stranded on the Nexus he craved attention but didn’t know how to ask for it. So he became the entertainer, with a joke ready at any given time, smiling and nodding and bumping elbows with anyone that could stand his company. The thought made Scott’s heart ache, and every time Gil dropped the act around him, Scott just wanted to take him into his arms and never let go. 

“It would hurt, I guess,” Scott says, “if I didn’t know why he does it.”

_ His time on the Nexus… _

“Yeah.”

_ Oh. _

Like he always does when he doesn’t know what to say, SAM goes quiet, his thoughts ordered chaos as he tries to work through another strange organic quirk he has to learn. Scott lays back on the bed, his muscles still achy from the slow, soft sex they’d had hours before that had most likely inspired this conversation. A pleasant ache - one Scott welcomes because it makes him feel himself. Just Scott Ryder, not hero or leader or  _ Pathfinder _ . 

When he wakes several hours later, freshly showered and maybe a little more self-conscious of how much SAM sees through him when he interacts with Gil -  _ I am not always watching; please, be yourself _ \- he finds that he shouldn’t have worried. Gil smiles at him when he enters engineering, big and happy, and kisses him without being prompted. He talks to him like normal and touches him a little more than he remembers Gil ever touching him outside their room, but it’s a nice feeling that leaves him grinning like an idiot the rest of the day. But when he goes to check his messages his smile turns embarrassed, his face heating up with a blush he can’t fight down, staining his cheeks even as he suffers through meetings and preliminary reports on the path to Meridian:

_ Scott, _

_ I don’t know how I always end up sending these through email and not saying it to your face, but… thanks for talking to me last night. SAM doesn’t scare me, but since we’re, uh, intimate, I guess I spooked myself. Don’t worry, though - this won’t affect our nights together. ;) _

_ Yours always, _ _   
_ _ Gil _

And because Gil is Gil, he proves it that night. He can’t leave his room or speak to SAM for hours afterwards, but Gil goes about his day smug and chatty, his anxiety from the last day gone. Scott doesn’t think he’s been this flustered from being fucked into his mattress in a long time, but, in the end, he doesn’t really care. 

He intends to get back at Gil, anyway.

  
  


+++


End file.
